Wrong place, right time?

Why does it always seem that those days that you have to DRAG yourself to church and you’re just feeling like you’d rather be somewhere else, are the days you find yourself hearing exactly what you needed and fighting back tears?  That was me today.  And it’s Ed Ditto’s fault.  J   You gotta love those guys who I would describe as ‘men of few words.’  Not that Ed doesn’t talk, but when he does, he says things so simply and to the point that you just have to listen.  Maybe I just envy that because I’m a rambler and can write pages or talk for hours without coming up with anything all that profound.   haha

Anyways… Ed was sharing some thoughts about communion today and

 asked, “Have you ever found yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time?”   Um, yeah, for sure.  I don’t think anyone in the room had to struggle to come up with a thought or two about that.  Then he turned it around – “How about the right place at the right time?”  Well, yeah – been fortunate enough to have that happen to me, too.  Then he had us turn to Luke 23 and he read about the two criminals who were crucified along with Jesus. 

Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with him to be executed.  When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left...

One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Christ? Save yourself and us!”

But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence?  We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.”

Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”

Jesus answered him, “I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.”

Then Ed graciously gave credit to his wife for this next thought.  He said Sharon had pointed out to him that really, at least ONE of the criminals hanging on the cross next to Jesus found himself in the right place at the right time that day.  Ed struggled with that thought at first.  How can being hung on a cross be a good place to be?  Well, it’s not, from a purely physical, worldly point of view.  But with spiritual eyes, it’s not hard to see that this was about to be the best day of this man’s life. 

It didn’t hit me until I started to write some of this down, that I love the choice of words here from Jesus.  Not just, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”  Or, “Thanks for sticking up for me.”  But Jesus says, “Today you will be with me in paradise.”   Things look bad right now, but just wait, you have no idea what’s coming!   Wow…  how amazing must THAT have been to hear?  In the absolute most desperate time of this man’s life, in what looked like the worst of 'wrong places' to be, Jesus is about to turn it all around with a beautiful offer of grace and pardon resting on the faith that this man had just put in who Jesus was.  Simple. Extraordinary. Perfect timing…

And as I sat there listening, my thoughts drifted back to moments in time where I have been in the worst of situations because of my own sin and disobedience, deserving my own cross hanging next to Jesus.  And I can remember the points where I have been literally driven to my knees crying out for help and deliverance…  and the very special thing that happened to me this morning as I sat in my seat was that it was so clear to me that Jesus was there all along.  In the right place at the right time… even in the wrong place at the wrong time… and maybe most especially in my wrong place at the right time…  He’s just where I need for Him to be.

A little while later, in Allen’s sermon, he made a point about how God never works against our will, but He works with our will.  We have the choice to fight Him if we want to – but He is so willing to work with us if we will give Him our faith and trust.  One criminal on the cross did, the other didn’t.  I want to be the one who did and now enjoys his eternity in paradise with Jesus.

“Lord, Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom…”

A tough loss...

It seems that lately a lot of my conversations with people have revolved around loss of some sort or the other. Loss of a boyfriend, loss of parents, children growing up and leaving home, losing jobs, loss of the dreams you had for your children or the dreams you had for your future… even losing faith in God. Then in the last few days, it just seems like I’ve been tripping over quotes from all sides regarding loss, so I thought I’d try to put it all together and make some sense out of it.

First of all, I’ll start with this. I don’t deal well with loss at all. I’ve learned that about myself. That’s why when I read this quote from Beth Moore’s book recently, I pretty much laughed out loud:

“Learning to say ‘good-bye’ is a necessary life skill.” (from “Get Out of That Pit.”)

And by the way, that wasn’t Beth’s insight… that was something her husband told her that SHE needed to learn. (That made me feel a little bit better… haha)

Then, the next day, I heard this quote at the end of an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. (This should go in one of my ‘things I learn from TV’ blog posts.) It caught my attention and I had to go back and listen to it again… so here it is:

“Practicing medicine doesn’t lend itself well to the making of friends. Maybe because life and mortality are in our faces all the time. Maybe because in staring down death every day, we’re forced to know that life – every minute – is borrowed time. And each person we let ourselves care about is just one more loss somewhere down the line. For this reason, I know some doctors who just don’t bother making friends at all. But the rest of us, we make it our job to move that line, to push each loss as far away as we can.”

I’m certainly not a doctor, but I get what is being said here. The older I get, the

more ‘losses’ I face, the more I realize how much I dislike the whole process – and it does have a tendency to make you want to insulate yourself or find some way to push the loss far enough away that you don’t feel the pain. (but I think we all know that really isn’t possible)

But then this passage of scripture came up at church yesterday morning:

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you…

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed dayby day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”  (II Cor 4)

And then today I read this quote on the USA Women’s Soccer Facebook site in the face of their stunning loss against Japan in the World Cup final on Sunday:

"That's what learning is, after all; not whether we lose the game, but how we lose and how we've changed because of it and what we take away from it that we never had before, to apply to other games. Losing, in a curious way, is winning." - Richard Bach

So, losses are an inevitable part of life. Maybe the point is that somehow through it all we don’t lose heart. And dealing with loss seems to be a lot about perspective. I’m pretty sure I’m not quite at the place where I feel like losing is winning, but I can at least say that I get what they are trying to say… There are necessary lessons that are learned from losses. I don’t have to like the loss, but perhaps I can at least find a benefit in the lessons learned and find a way to let that help me in the future…



Oh, on a totally different subject but perhaps a happier note, I recieved a call from the doctor about the biopsies from last Thursday and everything came back clear.  So that's a sigh of relief and a special thanks from me for the prayers. :)

Emergency!

It's hard to stay on top of everything all the time.  It feels like every day I'm rushing to take care of at least one thing that's going to become an issue if I don't do it RIGHT NOW.  Today it was two things - emailing a catering agreement back for my parent's 50th wedding anniversary party coming up in the beginning of August - and the second thing was something I almost didn't do because I thought it was already taken care of.  (Don't you hate those?)  I'm having some outpatient surgery tomorrow and the surgery center called me last week to confirm my appointment, tell me what I needed to bring, and pay, etc.  So I thought I was good to go.  But apparently when you recieve that piece of paper from you doctors office and they've highlighted in bright yellow and checkmarked and made it really obvious that you need to CALL THE SURGERY CENTER TO REGISTER AND HERE'S THE PHONE NUMBER....   well, I guess YOU need to call THEM.  :)   I called today just to double-check and make sure that everything was taken care of, and NO, I wasn't registered yet.  So, I really have no idea what the phone call FROM them last week was really about, other than to confuse me and perhaps to make sure I was going to PAY for the surgery that I was NOT registered for. ;-) 

OK, sorry - that was just a little rant for the day.   ha

So this seems to be the year for medical stuff with my family.  I thought we had enough with my sister's Addison's disease and my dad's heart attack.  Well, he finished his last day at cardiac rehab today, and he and my sister are both doing SO much better (yay!) and so I guess it's my turn to start something new tomorrow.    I get to have a hysteroscopy and a LEEP procedure.  And it sounds silly, but at the moment I think I'm more worried about how I'm going to react to the anesthesia than I am about the results of the biopsies they're going to do...  and that may be because I've gotten more information about dealing with the effects of anesthesia than I have about what exactly they are trying to find with the hysteroscopy.  I think that's because doctors are very reluctant to say anything about the 'C' word until they know for sure what they are dealing with.  And honestly, I don't think they're going to find anything, so I'm not TOO worried...  but still, it's a bit unnerving all the same. 

So, if you're reading, please say a prayer for me in the wee hours of tomorrow morning (or before that if you don't want to get up early - ha!!) - for my surgery and the results and perhaps even that one of these days I'll be better organized so that not every day seems to have some sort of emergency! ;-)

Leaning In

Some days are just harder than other days.  Sometimes emotions pile up and I find myself just sitting with them for a while... coffee in hand... surrounded, thankfully, by the quiet of the morning.  But now the morning is escaping and there are things I must get to.

 

I saw this quote and I don't know what else to say about it except that it's been stuck in my mind...

"Friends are hard to find, harder to keep, and impossible to let go."

I was talking to a much younger friend the other day about the challenges of big life changes at her age and the struggles she was feeling about finding herself more on her own and feeling alone and how uncomfortable it all is...  all of her friends are getting married and moving to all sorts of new places with their lives...  What do you do when you are the one who's left behind?

 

Lean into God...

And many more years from now when she's my age with many more years of life changes, triumphs, failures, gains and losses behind her?  Well...  you do the same thing.

 

Lean, even closer, into God...

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted

   and saves those who are crushed in spirit...

The LORD redeems his servants;

   no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

                                                                        -- Psalm 34

Thank you, Father, for this promise of always being near to us...  help me feel your presence in my life and grant that to my friends who are hurting...  help us to lean into you and always take refuge in your love.

Just a Quick Update

Summer is definitely going by quickly - as it always seems to do.  I keep thinking I'm going to get in here and do more posting, but...  well, there's always a 'but' isn't there?  :)

A week ago this time, I was at the first night of Impact! with Anna and all the Jr. High teens.  More about that in just a minute.  On the Wed. and Thurs. before that, I was at Advance at Libscomb with Mackenzie for her registration and orientation.  We were able to meet her roommate, Carolanne, and her mom, Teri, on Wed.  They are both very sweet. :)  We saw their dorm room, took some measurements for curtains and things, and had a yummy 'get to know you' dinner out at the Cheesecake Factory.  (This will be a nice perk of visiting Mackenzie at Lipscomb because I LOVE the Cheescake Factory and now I'll have a good excuse to go there! yay!)   So Mackenzie is now registered for her fall classes and has her official Libscomb Student ID and car decal.  It's feeling more and more real all the time...

 Mackenzie and Carolanne in their very empty dormroom...  they're looking forward to decorating and making it 'Home Sweet Home' for the next year! :)

It's for real!  (and I'm not sure whether to attach a smily or a sad face to this one!)

So as Mackenzie left Nashville and headed for home at noon last Friday, Anna and all the teens were arriving on the vans for Impact!  I did my best to make a hasty transition from 'mother of college student' to 'chaperone of middle-schoolers' ...   this was not as easy as I thought it was going to be - ha.  But by Friday night we were in full IMPACT swing and it was a fantastic weekend!  The theme was "Hooked" and they did a lot with the story of Peter Pan and Captain Hook and all the lessons revolved around making sure that we're not letting something "hook" us in life so that we miss out on the journey that God has planned for us.  Lost of good stuff to think about and take to heart.   I'm so thankful for people who are so willing to use their talents and creativity to put together these kinds of times.  :) 

I really didn't get too many pictures, but here's a cute one of Anna, Emma and Belle ---

So that's all I've got for now.  It's almost 9:30 and we're headed out for vacation with Jack's family early tomorrow morning.   Time to go finish packing...  :)



Milestones

Well it's been a busy, busy couple of weeks around here...

Last Thursday, May 19th, Mackenzie graduated from Huntsville High and we were blessed to have lots of family and friends gathered to cheer her on.

Here are a few pictures from the night:

And here's a quick video of the big moment:   yay!! :)

Then this past Wednesday, May 25th, Anna finally escaped the hallowed halls of Hampton Cove Middle School!   haha....

And one more video from Anna's graduation:

And then yesterday was Mackenzie's 18th Birthday.  Wow.   No pictures from that, but she celebrated by staying with some friends at the Embassy Suites last night and having a yummy dinner at Sam & Gregs...  The moment that I think it really hit me that she's an 'adult' now (well, everywhere except in Alabama where apparently you now have to be 19 to be an adult - go figure)  was when she came downstairs after logging into her bank account and told me that they made her log out of the "child" account that we had set up for her and made her sign in to the 'regular' banking website....  They didn't waste any time on THAT 'transition.'  :)

I'm not so sure that I'm quite as eager to move on as the bankers are...  ha

Speaking of, I read this a couple of days ago in "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp (thank you Lisa, for letting me borrow this book!) and I think it fits my feelings about all this:

My baby is five.  She falls asleep in my arms after the close of dinner prayers, us still seated at table, and I hold her long after [her dad] has put the rest of the tribe to bed, her curls damp and etching into my skin and I don't move.  Her face is turned toward mine, broad and open, eyelashes whisper of gold.  I trace her lips, gentle curve of all things beautiful.  The way her eyes danced today, soul light, the arch of her eyebrows and that lyrical laugh, heaven's echo that entirely undoes me.  Her breath is warm on my face, all that is alive and warm and breathing inside of her now, falling upon me, and I can't capture it, hold it, this, her life now, me in this moment.  She is leaving me, she's growing up and moving away from me, and she stirs and I sweep back the crop of the golden ringlets.  Stay, Little One, stay.  Love's a deep wound and what is a mother without a child and why can't I hold on to now forever and her here and me here and why does time snatch away a heart I don't think mine can beat without?  Why do we all have to grow old?  Why do we have to keep saying good-bye?

Again, I refuse to walk the bridge into tomorrow's unknowns, and I shame the Bridge Builder with my worries, my demand to just let me stay here, or go back, but no, not to go on, and again He comes to carry me flailing and anxious...

There are a lot of mixed emotions with this time...  most of them now are ones of excitement and anticipation of new things to come.  College, high school...  endings, new beginnings...  and it's fun and full of blessings and I am thankful.  But I'm a little fearful of a few months from now - trying to prepare myself for it and too aware that I have no idea how to do that.  But I've had quite a few moms, who have walked this road ahead of me, pat me on the shoulder and tell me that it will all be OK...  so I'm trusting their wisdom, and trusting God's strong hands to catch me when I start to fall. 

A Crown of Thorns

I spent a lot of time out in the yard on Saturday.  The first half of the day was mostly getting 'chores' done...  the second half was more fun, buying and planting some flowers in pots, finally.  My back porch is much more colorful and festive now.  :)

Early in the morning, I mowed the front yard, then went around to the back to get started there.  Then I had to pause, because I really needed to cut down and dig up this dead bouganvillea that I had planted last year.  It was really beautiful last summer, but since it died, it's just been a mass of long viney thorns sticking out all over the place.  Last time I mowed, I just kept having to duck by it to keep from getting scratched by it - it hurt!  So I went and got my heavy leather gloves and big clippers and shovel and got to work.   I began cutting and putting the vines carefully in the trash so I didn't poke holes in the bag - not easy to avoid with these prickly thorns.  As I was doing this, I was also listening to Chris Tomlin and these words began drifting through my headphones as I stared into my trash at this:

"And I hear the voice of many angels sing, worthy is the lamb

And I hear the cry of every longing heart, worthy is the lamb..."

As I looked at the thorns on that vine and reached in to touch the tip of one, reminding me how sharp they are, I thought of Jesus the lamb, Jesus the sacrifice, and all the pain that He endured for me as a crown of thorns was woven and shoved into his scalp...   "worthy is the lamb..."

Then came these words in the next song:

"Worthy, uncreated one,

From heaven to earth come down

You laid aside your royalty

To wear the sinner's crown...

(the crown that should be on MY head!)

And when we see your matchless face,

In speechless awe we'll stand

And there we'll bow with grateful hearts

Unto the Great I AM."

I am so UN-worthy of the sacrifice that Jesus made on that day for me...  of the pain He willingly endured so that grace and salvation could be extended to me...  of the price He paid so that I didn't have to.  I still really can't grasp it, but as I stared into that tangle of thorns, I was reminded and overwhelmed with gratitude.