She's home! :)

 

So this is part of the aftermath of the move home for Mackenzie on Friday. Her door to her bedroom just to the right of this picture is closed for good reason!  :)  It's great to have her back for a while....  well, at least it will be great when she gets back from her week at the beach with her friends.  She sort-of blew in and blew back out this weekend, which is what I guess college kids do.  ha.   But I'm sure you can tell I'm not jealous at all.  Yeah, ...right!  ;-) 

Anyways, I haven't been here to write in ages, it seems.  A month, it looks like.  Feels like forever.  It's not for lack of things to write about, just for what seems like lack of time.  I was telling a friend the other day that I think I've adjusted physcially to having a part-time job, but I'm not sure I've adjusted mentally.  The few hours that it is taking out of my week seem to be the hours that I used to use to think about and process things.  I find that I'm now having to be more creative and intentional about making time for things like blogging.... and thinking. ;-) 

I don't think there is any way that I can actually capture all the *stuff* that I've been trying to process in the last few months.  There is a lot going on in my heart and mind that is causing me to ask questions about where I am in my life, about my faith, about things I've believed all my life, about God, and grace, and love, and rules, and roles and the Holy Spirit and Jesus... and at the moment I have FAR more questions than I do answers.  That is generally unsettling to me, but I'm learning that even THAT is part of the journey I'm on right now - making peace with the fact that I don't have all the answers -- and never have, even though I surely would have argued with you that I did have them all at one time in life.  oh my...  

So I thought maybe I'd just put some links here to things I've been reading/listening to because they've challenged my heart and have opened my eyes and my heart in many, I believe, good ways:

http://inamirrordimly.com/    by Ed Cyzewski  -- especially his Friday "Women in Ministry" series posts.  These have been SO encouraging to me.

http://sarahbessey.com/  by Sarah Bessey -- I just love the way she writes and the quirky ways she shares her connection to God and how He is moving in her life - very inspiring! 

http://kathyescobar.com/  by Kathy Escobar -- my new most favorite blogger.  Could I dare say that at this moment, if I could dream about something I would love to do with my life, it would be what she is doing. 

http://tentpegs.patrickmead.net/  by Patrick Mead -- this is the one making me think and making me crazy... but in a good way.  :)  Love it...

http://www.ethoslove.com/  This is where Mackenzie is going to church these days in Nashville.  What a beautiful community of people testifying to God's love and grace!  I try to listen each week to their sermon podcasts - I've gotten a lot of new insights and fresh perspectives on the continually unfolding story of God and His love for all of us.  I think it's awesome. :)

In a sermon from a while back that I listened to today, "Who Do You Long For?" I was really confronted with a question that I've been quietly asking myself for a long time - Who really IS most important in my life?  Is it really God that I long for with all of my heart?  I'm not sure I know how to answer that question.  I want to say YES.  But I know what it feels like to long for something and I don't know that I can apply that word to how I feel about God.  And I hate how that sounds, but I'm trying to be honest.  I know I want to feel that longing for God and Him alone...  I'm just trying to figure out how to.  That seems to be the journey for me right now.  I said to a friend the other day who's known me for a very long time that I feel like I've spent most of my life trying to extract from the people in my life what I really need to be letting God give me.  In her words, she said, "Wow, I think you just said a mouthfull right there."  Yeah, I guess so...

Anyways, I'm thinking out loud and rambling on...  I wanted to share more thoughts from that sermon, but I will have to save that for another day.  I may even work it into a lesson for the teen girls this Sunday because it's just so good...  but more on that another time.  :)