Desiring God continued...

I think I ended my blog yesterday saying that I had come to the realization that God is not disappointed in me. I kind-of hated to end there, because I always like to clarify things, but it has actually been good for me to 'sit with' that thought for a couple days myself without trying to explain it away or anything. I do that with a lot of things. Decide something is a certain way, and then talk myself out of it. ha

Anyways, to say that God is not disappointed in me, is NOT to say that I haven't done many, many things wrong. I have. And I know that those things, mistakes, sins, have all grieved God and hurt Him (not to mention many others). But I think what I'm realizing is that there is a difference between hurting someone and feeling like you are a dissapointment to someone. When you've hurt someone by what you've done, you can apologize and be forgiven and it can be done with and healing can happen. But when you hold on to this idea, as I have often done, that now you have become a dissapointment to the person you've hurt -- it's very hard to move on from that. And I think somewhere over the years, because of the things I've done, I've held on to the thought that I am a dissapointment to God (and people that I've hurt). That He had better things in mind for me if I just wouldn't have come along and messed up his plan so many times. I've even said, in approaching Him in prayer, "God, I know you must be really frustrated with me..."

But as I was reading, I came across this idea from John Piper that, sort-of like I wrote yesterday, nothing can frustrate God. He sees our mistakes and sins, and while not overlooking them - they do grieve his heart - he has the capacity to forgive and at the same time, is working all of that, the good and the bad, into his perfect plan for our lives. Here's how Piper said it:

"To put it in my own words, he said that the infinite complexity of the divine mind is such that God has the capacity to look at the world through two lenses. He can look through a narrow lens or through a wideangle lens.
When God looks at a painful or wicked event through His narrow lens, He sees the tragedy of the sin for what it is in itself, and He is angered and grieved: “I have no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Lord GOD” (Ezekiel 18:32). But when God looks at a painful or wicked event through His wide-angle lens, He sees the tragedy of the sin in relation to everything leading up to it and everything flowing out from it. He sees it in relation to all the connections and effects that form a pattern, or mosaic, stretching into eternity. This mosaic in all its parts—good and evil—brings Him delight...

Therefore, when I say that the sovereignty of God is the foundation of His happiness, I do not ignore or minimize the anger and grief God can express against evil. But neither do I infer from this wrath and sorrow that God is a frustrated God who cannot keep His creation under control. He has designed from all eternity, and is infallibly forming with every event, a magnificent mosaic of redemptive history. The contemplation of this mosaic (with both its dark and bright tiles) fills His heart with joy.
And if our Father’s heart is full of deep and unshakable happiness, we may be sure that when we seek our happiness in Him, we will not find Him “out of sorts” when we come. We will not find a frustrated, gloomy, irritable Father who wants to be left alone, but a Father whose heart is so full of joy that it spills over onto all those who are thirsty."

Two thoughts I love in here: One, this idea that God is weaving a 'magnificent mosaic of redemptive history." I love knowing that God can redeem anything for His glory -- maybe I should say I cling to that thought. It's comforting to me in so many ways. And two, being able to picture God waiting to hear from me with a smile on his face and a heart full of joy.

This verse just came to mind...

Ps 30:5
For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.

I've read this verse and heard it so many times... but what I've really thought in my heart was, "His favor lasts only a moment, but His anger lasts a lifetime..." Of course, it's certainly not God's fault that I've thought of Him this way -- He's really done nothing but ever show me that He is "kind and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love." It's just my own rather warped way of seeing things that hasn't been right. Now I just want to get this straigtened out and really BELIEVE that I have a lifetime of God's favor resting on me... wow.

Well, in a week, I haven't even made it out of chapter one yet, so this book may take a while. But already I think it's well worth the time...